Rules.

This week I wanted to talk a little bit about some of rules that go on in a home that are spoken and unspoken. They have a bigger effect on the family than you may think!

Let's start basic. What is a family?

Let me start off with what the definition of what a family is. Families are living, ongoing entities, organized whole with members in a continuous, interactive, patterned relationship with one another extending over time and space. Haha, kind of a boring way to say a group of people with relationships who live together. But really, I love that definition especially the part about continuous, interactive, patterned relationships. That is kind of what I want to talk about today! The patterns or rules that happen over and over again in a families home and what effect it has on all the members involved.

Spoken and unspoken rules!

My family has always had rules. Some were spoken while others were unspoken. One VERY spoken rule was given by my Mom. I remember she always had the rule that you clean your room and do your homework before you can play with friends. This was just something that could never be bargained. I have a funny story about this. One time I really, really wanted to go play at my best friends house and my little kid mind thought it would be a great idea to shove everything I had gotten out under my bed. Mom would never know! So, I went and told her that my room was all clean and so I skipped on over to my friends house. I had a good time and came back home to find my mom in my room pulling all my stuff from under the bed. I was so ashamed. I felt bad that I had completely lied to my mom. Of course, a punishment of grounding was involved and I learned to never do that again. Looking back on this experience I know that they had this rule for a reason. It was to help us become responsible and to stay honest in all that we do. It has helped me to be a hardworking adult that people can trust.

But what about unspoken rules? What effect do they have? Here’s another example. So I have been gone serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in West Virginia for about 18 months. I recently returned home from that experience and observed an unspoken rule I had never noticed before. My family was sitting down to dinner and so I decided to sit at the head of the table next to the garage. My dad then comes through the garage door, looks at me and says, “Hey, that’s my seat!” I replied with, “So what?” My dad didn’t really have a good argument and just basically said, “Well, that’s how it’s always been! I like that spot” I had seriously totally forgot that my dad had always sat at the head of the table. He never said anything about it but it just always happened. I think it was kind of to set his role as the patriarch or head of the house. He wanted to let us know he was there to provide and protect even simply just eating our meal. I kind of look back on that as a way he was showing his love towards us.

My feelings.

It’s very interesting to me to think about all these rules we have an the tone it sets for the family. I’ve realized that in my life, and others too, that humans are shaped by the interactions we have with people. These rules I grew up with formed me into the person I am today and the parent I hope to be in the future. I’m grateful for my parents example in setting rules and boundaries that kept me safe and taught me good and wholesome principles.